i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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