the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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