Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
