tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
