Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
