She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
