on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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