It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
