We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
