Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's blow job season.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
