Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
