Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
