When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
