the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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