I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
