I bet he comes in French.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize