ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
