I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
