You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize