Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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