The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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