Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
