My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize