hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
