what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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