You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
