It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
