So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
