I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
