stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
