Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
