Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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