I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
