The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
