is your mom at the bar?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
