he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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