Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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