weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
