Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
