Pants 0. Shit 1.
now i know why i became what i already was.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
