There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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