and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
