I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
