Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
