i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
