I CAN MOONWALK!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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