I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
