I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
