Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize