Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
