how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
