he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
