i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
