Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
