her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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