you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just invented taco cereal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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