We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
