I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
