So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
