So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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