i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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