You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
