Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
