I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
