We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
