I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
