just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize