i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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