Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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