I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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