wrigley field is MILF paradise
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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