If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
