I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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