Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
