Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize