why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
