yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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