A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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