im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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