I wish my penis had an off switch
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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