He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
