Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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