My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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