i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
