yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
