i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize