Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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