Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
