Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
