Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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