he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
