I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
