the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
