The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
