I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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