a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
