like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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