hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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