Will you blow on my dice?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize