hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
