peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
only if we run a train.
done.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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