So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
