It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My liver just had a heart attack.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
