he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
