Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize