One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
