I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
