I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
His nipple licking is glorious
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