Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
