i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
