Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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