I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
