I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
