i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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