Can i not drive my cunt home
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
