i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
