hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
