All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
