Only a mothe r could love this liver
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
