Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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