just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
