i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize