you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
