Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
